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After a few weeks off, I’m returning with the first column of a new month, year and decade.
I am also using a new laptop with an unfamiliar keyboard layout, so I am certain there will be more typographical errors for the editor of the paper to find. I am certain he believes I cannot spell, when in reality I am just a lousy typist. I’m very grateful I do not have to type this out on an actual typewriter, because I would be up to my knees in balls of crumpled paper and my fingers would be caked in correction fluid.
2020 is bringing some exciting things for the column and this columnist. I have been asked to speak before a Rotary Club meeting. This is unusual for me as I cannot comprehend the idea of strangers wanting to hear me speak. There are either one or two people who find me and the column interesting, or the speaker they had booked had to cancel. Either way, I look forward to it.
I’m not sure how long I am expected to speak, so I might consider card tricks or a cooking demonstration as a backup. I have a litany of slightly dirty jokes my grandfather told me, but I don’t know if that is appropriate for a Rotary Club meeting. I have every reason to believe the folks will be warm and welcoming and I hope I can be as entertaining as they think I am. If not, I will be known as “That Boring Guy From The Newspaper Who Got His Cue Cards In The Wrong Order.”
I have also decided that I will be more of a presence on social media in regard to the column. Lately, my wife has been managing the Facebook page and we mostly just provide a link to the newspaper when the column is ready. I’ll try to be more diligent in getting better content for everyone as soon as I can figure out what better content should be on there. If anyone has any ideas, I’m willing to consider anything except from that guy from last year who kept saying he didn’t care about anything I wrote in the column. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and all in real life, but on the internet, Mr. Who Cares is a buffoon.
I still will not divulge my political preferences. Those are mine and mine alone. You can guess all you want, but I will still say as much about Republicrats and Democracans as I always have.
I will not endorse any candidate publicly in the paper. However, I will publicly state at this time that Cherie K. Berry not seeking re-election is a blow to the state of North Carolina. Elevators just won’t be the same anymore. She should just keep her picture in elevators anyway. It’s nice to see a friendly face when you get stuck between floors.
I have been asked by a number of readers if I would be so kind as to meet them personally. Like the Rotary Club meeting, I cannot understand why anyone would want to meet me as I am not famous or such. I’m just a guy who puts words in the newspaper.
As long as it doesn’t interfere with my actual day job and I don’t have other plans, I’m more than willing to meet anyone who reads the column. I don’t know how many people actually read it, but I am sure I’ll get to all 10 of you eventually. If you don’t like the column, that’s OK. I’ll meet with you, too. In a weird way, I appreciate you as well.
I’m looking forward to 2020 and what it has in store for me, my family, this column and each and every one of the readers. That includes you, Mr. Who Cares from last year.
Joe Weaver, a native of Baltimore, is a husband, father, pawnbroker and gun collector. From his home in New Bern, he writes on the lighter side of family life.